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When friends invited me out, I often made excuses, preferring the ease and familiarity of my screens and self-soothing to the pressure of social connection. When dial-up was replaced with broadband, porn was even more immediate. There was always time and a clip I hadn’t yet seen. I could be in a great mood, a foul mood, angry, sad, bored — whatever was going on, I knew I could top it. What mattered is that I was getting off on their — real or imaginary — pain and subjugation.I feared that somehow they’d figure out my dark secret. With sites like 89, Red Tube, Pornhub, Tube Galore and so many others, I didn't have to depend on anyone else for my fix. Thoughts of the acrobatic arrangements of flesh and dirty talk filled my mind all day long. Later, when I started having sex for real, I didn’t abandon the usual porn-and-masturbation combo. I surprised boyfriends with my enthusiasm when they’d forgotten to clear their history and insisted that we watch together. Heaven was literally at my fingertips, just a click away, and mine for free whenever and however I wanted it. I realized that in order for the videos to keep their charge, their intensity and their effectiveness, I needed them to induce shame in me. The Lower East Side streets used to be lined with pushcarts, peddling their goods and wares throughout this immigrant-rich neighborhood.Today these stories are told through our local Tenement Museum but history comes alive at the Lower East Side Partnership’s annual Pickle Day celebration!

No longer would I be crushed out on Eddie Vedder or Chris Cornell. There are 34 chapters in that book and, having made that deal, I breezed through them over the course of a few blissed out days.If nobody was talking about porn and masturbation, then certainly I was doing something odd. I knew porn stars by name, bookmarked all my favorite sites and switched up all the ways I got off — fingers, vibrators and, of course, the water faucet for old time’s sake. Then one day, I found myself clicking through gang bangs, but bored by the number of men I saw. After all, that's how I found pleasure — in that bathtub at 12, submerged in fear and confusion and the belief that I was bad — and that’s how it had to remain. And, just as I’d blamed yet glorified my softcore hero Shannon Tweed as a child, the women in various porns were also subject to my ambivalence, and eventually my anger. The act was unsatisfying unless I felt some inkling of shame.I familiarized myself with all the various categories. Six in this one, eight in that one, 10 in the other. I’d wired the neural networks in my brain so well that it had become impossible for me to feel sexually turned on without feeling horrible about it. I wanted them to be punished for their insatiable lust, their vacant eyes, and their tireless, mechanical movements with men, just as I emotionally punished myself for my similar relationship with porn. I often fantasized about men cheating on me, hurting me, using me, just so I could get off.We recreate the original pushcart market that previously positioned the Lower East Side as ‘The Bargain District.’ Today’s market is full of contemporary, local restaurants paired alongside picklers – like The Pickle Guys – that put this neighborhood on the map, pickle-wise! Whether you’re a pickle-loving toddler or a granny with a gherkin, Pickle Day is quintessential New York and the perfect fall festival for dills of all ages!

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We line Orchard with three full blocks of the best in Lower East Side restaurants and boutiques – packed with giant games, a face painter, live DJs, balloon animals, carnival games, and giveaways galore!

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